I forget how to blog....

I woke up this morning feeling ready to share some bits and pieces of what the Lord has been doing in me. Starting school at Simpson entered me into possibly one of the hardest seasons of my life. Not because of classes, not because of homework, not because of Simpson boys with their "check lists". But because of what has been happening in my heart.

Before coming to Simpson I thought I had my theology figured out. "Ask me what I believe, and I'll tell you" I thought. But Bible classes have wrecked me and I feel as though I'm back where I began. "Jesus loves me this I know." And really, that's about all I know.

So many questions, so many thoughts, so many wounds and dark places the Lord is bringing up. I'm questioning not quite who I am, but in what ways God has gifted me? In what ways does he want me to use those gifts? What are the plans he has for my life? And how can I best glorify him? Is this strength that I have God-given? Or walls I have built up to protect my own heart? Is God the God I grew to know so intimately in my year of solitude? Or is he the God my professors tell me about? How can he be both?

Today I can tell you that in this season I have never felt so broken, so fragile, so undone, so humiliated in my entire life. And it's right where my Father has me. It's good. It's humbling. And so painful at the same time.

I'm so thankful for Sarah Bram who is always there to catch my tears and make perfect sense of my life. ;) I'm so thankful for Tiffany Aaserude who understands my heart more than anyone on this earth. I'm so thankful for Derrick Fleck who empowers me even when I'm weak and is there with open arms when I need a father's embrace. I'm so thankful for Becky Weber who plays a huge role in bringing me constant freedom from my chains. I'm so thankful for Nathan Edwardson who is constantly encouraging. And I'm so thankful for Julie Read and Jamie Metz, my prayer warriors, that seek the Lord with me like no other. You all are constant reminders of God's love and play a significant role in my life. I feel blessed beyond measure. I won't say "I couldn't do it without you" because with God I probably could. I would just be making some really bad decisions in the mean time. ;)

Thank you for blessing me. Thank you for encouraging me. You are what reminds me that this season is "good".

Farewell Sadie Sue

My 13 year old yellow lab went to be with Jesus today. It's weird to think she's been around for over half my life! But she was old. Couldn't really walk. And barked at only God knows what. I think this is called being senile. But nonetheless, I will miss her.

She was a sweet and faithful dog right to the end.

The Desert Song- Hillsong

This is my prayer in the desert
And all that's within me feels dry
This is my prayer in the hunger in me
My God is a God who provides

And this is my prayer in the fire
In weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved
Of more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the flames

Chorus:
And I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon forged against me shall remain
I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and He is here

And this is my prayer in the battle
And triumph is still on it's way
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ
So firm on His promise I'll stand

Chorus

Bridge:
All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship

Chorus

This is my prayer in the harvest
When favor and providence flow
I know I'm filled to be empited again
The seed I've recieved I will sow

Seattle

Overwhelmed and Tongue Tied...

That is me. It's the good kind of overwhelmed though. Where I feel as though I'm swimming in a really big pool of joy.

I can't explain what happened tonight. I can't explain what has happened this week or even these last 7 months. But I do know tonight was something HUGE. Way bigger than me and I have Jesus to thank for it.

This is just ONE example of my night:
I thought I left my phone at the prayer chapel tonight so I went back to get it. Standing in the hallway was someone I didn't expect to see. Someone who is really hard for me to love. Someone I have even hated at times. I went in and my phone wasn't there. Went back to my car and it was sitting there in the seat. I knew I had to go back in. So we talked. And we talked. And a few hours later I felt so much love, so much peace in my heart for this person. God had even put a verse on my heart all day and this verse was perfect for this person. It was meant to be. His timing is so perfect. He is so good.

"At the cross I lay myself at Your feet HOLDING NOTHING BACK."

Quick Update

My life is crazy. Don't know where my time goes.

I started painting after some prophetic words. Awesome.

I am learning what love is. How to love. How to be loved. Funny, you would think I should already know this after 21 years of life... Nope.

I'm going back to school in the Fall. Don't know where, but I'm going.

I have learned so much this past month it feels as though it should have taken years. If you want to know more about this let's grab some coffee... I'm free from 11:45 to 11:55 Friday and 3 to 3:20 the following Monday... that is, 2 weeks from now.

I have become increasingly sarcastic the last few days. Should I feel bad for this?

Life Group (Narrative Theology) is ruining me.

And I am now addicted to this book. Can't put it down.



You should read it!

Nothing but Everything

On my way home from church tonight all I could do was thank God for His great LOVE that surpasses all understanding. There is so much about my life that I don't understand right now. But in that one little moment of intimacy with Him, in that love encounter with Him, everything in the world that didn't make sense before all the sudden does because His love surpasses all understanding. My Father's love is all I need to know. I felt such an incredible peace on my drive home tonight. This song came on by Skillet (which was funny because I don't really like Skillet) and the words were perfect. I loved just being able to rest in Him, knowing that He is holding me. Here are the lyrics... or better yet, you should youtube it! Or something... :) May the same peace that washed over me wash over you.

Still, soft quietly spoken voice
That persistently calls my name
And quickens my heart to come
And I come

And I rest in the shelter of Your love
And I rest in the wonder of Your grace
And I rest in the shelter of Your love
And I rest in the wonder of You

Embraced in the promise of You
Is rest for the weary soul
Releasing all that is mine
I reach for You

And I rest in the shelter of Your love
And I rest in the wonder of Your grace
And I rest in the shelter of Your love
And I rest in the wonder of You

Take all the old and You make it new
Everything I give to You
You're the hope that can pull me through
Hallelujah

And I rest in the shelter of Your love
And I rest in the wonder of Your grace
And I rest in the shelter of Your love
And I rest in the wonder of You